I was talking to my trainer this morning and he asked me if I had any specific goals for the next phase of my life. “You know, anything left on your bucket list,” he said. I stopped for a minute to think about it before I answered. There are some general things i’m shooting to accomplish — end my career on a high note; figure out what retirement means for me and marry George. But in terms of specific things I want to do that I haven’t done. Not really. I realized that if I were to drop dead today I’ve had a good run. I found the love of my life, my soulmate, in George. I live and work in the city I’ve wanted to be in since I was in college. I have a loving family, great friends all over the world and a cool career. I’ve traveled to more places than I ever thought I would and had amazing experiences every time. I’ve lived my life and I’ve shared it.
I’m at a point in my life where I feel I am finally being true to myself and present myself exactly the way I want to every single day. No playing different roles to please people. What you see is what you get. A few weeks ago, another friend, celebrating his 50th birthday, called it a “pause point”. Not a milestone, but a chance to hit pause, take a breath and check out the lay of the land. I feel very lucky that the view at this pause point is pretty good. And if God threw me a curveball tomorrow, I wouldn’t duck, but do my best to hit it out of the park.
The nice thing is that none of this makes me complacent. I’m still hungry. Extremely curious. Incredibly open. not the least interested in coasting. And still willing to give anything a try. Friends tease me about things that “aren’t Anthony” (can you say camping), but I’d like to think I’d give almost anything legal my best effort to be able to check a box and say I did it. I’d like to think that I’m less rigid in many ways than I was a few years ago. It doesn’t seem to be worth the time and energy anymore.
As far back as I can remember, I have always said that when I die I didn’t want to have any regrets. For better or worse, that mindset has guided my life. I still have some adventures left in me. Memories to be made. Experiences to share. But nothing that I feel I have to do. Hmmm, that leaves open an awful lot of possibilities.